So this week I have done a lot of soul searching. I am not sure that one of the ppn’s I chose is correct. I selected Recognition for Creative Expression and Liberty. Liberty is very near and dear to my heart so that is quite possibly accurate but I am not so sure about Recognition for Creative Expression. The first part of it is what keeps sticking in my mind as inaccurate, Recognition. While I do enjoy recognition for a job well done, I am not sure I really crave it or that it really motivates me. Because of this I think only the Creative Expression is a personal pivotal need and not the recognition. After much thought I am beginning to think that Spiritual Growth is a closer fit. You see, I think my need for creative expression is more about expressing who I am and therefore discovering who I am. For me creative expression is more of a mission to grow spiritually and to find out who I am as I express myself through writing and art. As I think more and more about it I see some major themes in my life regarding spiritual growth. I was raised without the influence of religion. This is both a huge blessing and at the same time it has it’s short comings. Not having religion forced me made me really think about it on my own terms and be curious about different cultures and different religions. I think this has lead me to the truth without the front end political and religious dogma that surrounds most major religions. I was able to develop spiritually through my own insights and while I doubt I will ever truly understand spirituality in this lifetime it has at least left me open minded to many possibilities without being particularly attached to any one conclusion. I am willing to allow everyone to feel and think what they want to and still have my own inner truth that requires no one else’s approval or understanding. That being said I am re-writing my DMP to include my new found discovery of my need for spiritual growth. This course is definitely tough to keep up with, it is not for the faint of heart, and probably not paced correctly for working moms. That being said I am finding creative ways to fit everything in, including recording my own voice saying the scroll so that I can listen to it in the car on the way to work if I am to pressed for time to read it in the morning. I am a very good auditory learner so this works well for me. I also recorded myself saying “do it now” and “I can be what I will to be” on my iPhone and listen to that in the morning and on the way home. I say it out loud with the recording, but having the recording play helps keep me accountable to saying it. I am sure my kids (3 and 6) are getting a good deal of brain washing by this point. They have heard me say scroll one so many times that they are starting to ask questions about why and what some of the things mean… like “are we buying grapes”? On a side note however I think this may be helping my oldest son with his behavior in school. I have noticed this week that he is doing better in school. He is more focused on assignments and listening better in class. This is a huge milestone for us as he has already received 3 referrals to the principal since the beginning of school in September. I have also helped him set some goals on learning his sight words and he has learned more than 20 this last week; which is fantastic. So overall there has been a lot of improvement in our household. I think with my new ppn I am getting a better understanding of how to write my DMP. In addition I have had some more inspiration on how to make money. An idea came to me this week and I am optimistic that this new idea will turn into something wonderful.
So this has been a pretty interesting week for me. First off lets talk about energy because it has been literally electrifying with thunderstorms and lightning! Have you ever gotten a sense that events around you are higher energy speaking directly to you? If you have you probably know how it can be both empowering and a little creepy (in a good way) when you realize that life is alive and conversing with you through your experiences. As I did my meditation this week I could hear Haanel’s words in my mind about the solar plexus radiating energy. I could also feel this energy traveling up and down my spine and into my head and connecting with something more powerful. I have also been realizing that this energy is part of a larger pool of energy and that it acts through you. Your job then is to simply relax, clear your mind, visualize what you want and ALLOW it to flow through you. This goes against all traditional ego invested modes of thinking where it is up to you to figure out your problems. I am really starting to understand that by simply declaring something powerfully and courageously you set in motion energy that arranges events in a natural and harmonious manner to bring about those declarations. There is nothing supernatural about this power, it is just as natural as a seed pulling in nutrients or you walking to the fridge when you are hungry. You simply create a craving and belief inside you for something by repetitively thinking about it and you are guided to it, just as you were to the fridge for your snack or to the grocery store when you are running low. It is humbling to know that this energy has always been abundantly available just waiting for me to utilize it. It almost feels like I had a wonderful and powerful machine that I have always used incorrectly because I did not understand how it worked. It almost brings to mind how a primitive people would use the technology we have today without understanding how to operate it or its true purpose. I can imagine them using a car as a storage shed, not realizing that with a key and certain procedures this storage shed would become a powerful and useful tool. I am grateful to now have this secret knowledge, knowing that I have a powerful engine inside me. As if to emphasize my learning of this lesson the atmosphere quite literally changed in my whole town. Wednesday night was one of the biggest thunder storms I have ever seen in my town. I live at the base of a valley and the entire premier of our valley was covered in simultaneous thunder storms. While my husband, two little boys and our family friends watched the entire night sky exploded with lighting and thunder that went off in several directions for hours. Strangely the sky was completely calm directly over our heads but in every direction there were heavy clouds and vivid magnificent lightning that struck down and even started a fire at one point that we could see from our house. The following day was second lightning storm followed by such heavy rains that mudslides took out 4 main roads leaving cars buried in mud and closing roads. Both of these nights I did my “aloud reading” while God emphasized my points in surround sound. It is a very spine tingling experience to make such confident statements with the boom of thunder to back you up!
I also experienced some autosuggestion this week more than I have before. I could hear the words of the first scroll echoing through my mind at times. This almost reminds me of when you stair at a bright light for a second and then close your eyes but for a while you can still see the impression of the light as a spot in your vision. The words just echoed around in my head as I was going about my day. I even had one experience on Tuesday night where I had put my kids to sleep and fell partially asleep with them and I woke up with the words ” I will lose not a day from these readings, for that cannot be retrieved, nor can it be substituted for another” echoing through my head. It was like my subconscious woke me up to tell me that I had not done my readings but I had fallen asleep. That is some powerful stuff! Another powerful thing that came to culmination today was my attendance of a petroleum summit that I wanted to go to. I had wanted to attend when it was advertised this summer. The tickets sold out before I was able to buy one and I wanted to go. So I set an intention that I would go. There was a volunteer opportunity through the local college to help with the event so I inquired about it. At the same time I sent a message to a co-worker of mine that I know is responsible for charitable donations to these kinds of events. I knew my company would be sponsoring the event as they do each year and would likely have some tickets. I told her that I was planning on attending the event but wanted to know if there were any tickets I could purchase through my company. Now these tickets are about $200-$1000 apiece. She emailed me back a few days later and told me that I could have one of the tickets that our company had purchased and sit with my company at the event as a representative. I was very surprised by this considering that oil prices are in a down turn and I did not even know if they would have any, much less allow me to attend. So that was a few weeks ago and today (Friday the 16th) was the event. I not only got to attend the event but I had the best seat in the house. My table was literally in the front row directly in front of the podium. I also made some great connections with people in high places within my company during the breaks and met some very interesting people in my industry. This has definitely been an interesting and powerful week.
Week two of my MKMMA experience has been challenging. Myself and both of my young sons (ages 3 and 6) got the flu. Between tending to fevers, doctors appointments and dispensing meds I still managed to do my daily reading and even accomplished my goal of getting my car cleaned out. I filled out the survey, revised my DMP and now in the final hour I am posting to my blog. This course is an intense workload but I can see how the habits are already forming and I can tell that the words from the repetitious readings are seeping into my subconscious. I find that while I have not fully memorized the passage from Scroll One I can finish the sentences as I am reading them and often the next sentence or even paragraph will pop into my mind as I read. I have found that meditation is a little more tough when you are ill as the relaxed state when tired leads to sleepiness. I found that after taking care of sick little ones and trying to fit in meditation by the time I would sit for 15 minutes I would often find myself waking after the timer went off. The times I did not fall asleep I had anxiety or a strange snaking of pain through my chest and extremities. Despite these challenges I was able to stop my thoughts for a few seconds at a time during my meditations. I found that the key to this is to focus on my feelings. When I am able to feel my thoughts can be subsided for several seconds at a time. I will continue to practice with this method to see if I am able to increase the amount of time that I am in the no-thought state.
Today I begin a new life. This is the key takeaway from the first scroll and symbolizes the first week of joining MKMMA. Although I have played around with meditation and have read at least 50 self development books over the years I can already tell that this is much different from simply reading a book. The repetitive daily readings (3 times daily for one of the chapters) is akin to brainwashing. You can literally feel the grooves being worn into your brain after several days of reading the same materials over and over. The meditation also is different than I have experienced before. Meditation in my life prior to this experience has always been brief periods trying to focus or relax. Here we are asked to stay completely still for 15 minutes. I am not sure I have ever intentionally stayed completely still for that long in the past. What I noticed right away was that pain would surface in certain areas of my body. Like a small child begging for attention I would feel my sciatic nerve thrumming or an ache in my shoulder and neck. This was not unbearable pain but it had not been perceptive before the meditation. Having practiced healing meditations before, although brief I experimented with sending healing light energy into these areas. After several days this pain began to subside and out of meditation I noticed those areas feeling better and more mobile as well. I also noticed my mind becoming impatient and even wondering how many more minutes were on the clock. I always used my cell phone as a timer so that I would not need to worry about the time but I still felt myself wondering if I had it the timer correctly or if the phone had been silenced. I found that as the week progressed I got more used to the amount of the time and was able to relax into it more and worry less about the time.
I feel that I am becoming more aware of my higher self through these readings and the meditation. One thing I was quite surprised with earlier this week was my ability to tap into my memory. On Thursday a co-worker asked me if I could remember a co-workers name that we had not seen for 7 years. I did not know this person well but had met and spoke with her several times back in 2007. She described her to me and I knew who she was talking about, I could see her face but had no recollection of her name. After telling her that I could not remember we both returned to our tasks. Knowing that the subconscious mind remembers everything I closed my eyes at my desk briefly and asked myself what her name was while picturing her face. About 20 minutes later I was getting ready to send a message to another co-worker and the name Marin popped into my head. I knew instantly that that was the name of the girl I had been thinking of earlier and I told my co-worker and she was amazed and got excited as she was trying to get ahold of her for a work related question and she had since moved to a new location and with her name we could look her up in the company directory. She asked if I remembered her last name and I had to again admit that I did not know it. Again I briefly asked my self what her last name was and continued to work. This time only a few moments passed and her last name popped into my mind and again I knew it was what I had asked. This was very interesting to me because my conscious mind had no clue what the name was but the subconscious mind was able to retrieve it for me after only a short period of time. While not a huge accomplishment I think this was proof to me that I am getting more in tune with my higher self. I am excited to know that I am taking steps to better myself and increasing my potential. I feel that I truly am beginning my new life.