So I have missed a few weeks of blogging. I started so many times trying to get caught up and for one reason or another I could not do it. I either did not know what to say, had technical difficulties or just sat looking at the blank page not knowing what to write. I have been in kind of a funk for the past several weeks. While I have been doing my reading and stayed positive I have been in a bit of a shock from many angles and unable to do much more than keep it together and stay in the moment. I have worked for a large oil company for the past ten years and just after my last post I received an email saying they were laying off a large number of people. Some of my co-workers have already been let go, and the rest of us have been put on notice. As a significant breadwinner for my family I this has been a bit of a shock to my system. I did not real I had so much of my identity and self worth wrapped up in my career. I generally like my job and while I have always had a dream of being my own boss with a business that gave me more time with my kids, I had envisioned a smooth transition of earning enough money to be able to retire from my job early. Now we are facing the possibility of losing an income. While this all was going on my family also got news of an issue facing my young son that required significant time, attention and put everything else on the back burner. With all this going on and going out of town for Christmas I got behind and then further behind and then when I look at getting ‘caught up’ after a 9-10 hour work day followed by taking care of my tow boys and tossing and turning I just did not have the motivation. In addition the things that have been going on during the weeks I missed my blog were not things I really wanted to write about as they were emotionally rough and personal. I found myself falling farther behind with the weekly assignments and just doing what I could. Finally today I just told myself I am going to just post something for this week rather than trying to catch up, since I have no idea what to say for those weeks. In any case I am re-commiting to doing my blog.
Besides the emotional turmoil I do want to say that this course has been a life line during these difficult times. While I am still facing a layoff and not sure if I will have a job in a few months I feel overwhelmingly positive and grateful. I know the above paragraph paints a pretty gloomy picture but through this all I have maintiained a fairly decent outlook. While I had to take care of things and put in extra work at my job I feel optimistic. I feel a sense of peace that even if I end up unemployed I will move forward with confidence knowing that I did my best. I have also done a lot of soul searching and found that if that does happen I will have a great opportunity to point my life in the direction I would like it to go in a big way. It will give me an opportunity to choose a direction consciously and with purpose. If I keep my job this has given me a new awareness of other career options that are available to me that I had never considered before. While I have empathy for my co-workers who seem stressed and confused it has shook things up and even brought a lot of us closer together. I have gotten to know the people I work with better because of this situation, nothing pulls people together like a crisis. I have also been given the gift of being able to help may of my co-workers in a small way by being a positive light and providing a calming perspective.