Ok I admit it, this week I slipped.. a lot. I have some really good reasons but the end result was that I was just not as dedicated as I have been in the weeks before and where I would like to be with this. As I look back at recent weeks it feels like the “mysterious source which never sleeps” is conspiring to give me reasons to fail at this rather than ways to succeed. I know part of it is my old blue print and part of it is just my over busy life.
Personal Life: My mom was in ICU this week and had surgery. She had a blood clot behind her knee and after many different treatments and a slew of doctors the decision was made to amputate her leg above the knee. This had a profound impact on me and I was down at the hospital several days this week. I am so heartbroken to see her go through that kind of pain. Her foot had died towards the end and turned black and she was crying a lot even under heavy meds. She was also very scared and did not want to loose her leg. In addition to the pain and fear the hospital kept postponing the surgery after withholding food and liquid for hours at a time in preparation for the surgery. It is one of the hardest things I have had to watch so far in my life. While going through this I was able to use some of my calm and positive energy to help comfort her. I talked to her about good times and had a discussion with her about her being more than just her body. In times like this there is not a lot you can do other than just pray for the best outcome. On a positive note they finally did do the surgery and it was successful in amputating her leg, relieving the pain and she made it through. Also my kids are also both better from strep throat this week and are once again happy and healthy. My dental work is also much better now and the infection seems to be clearing up rapidly.
Work: It is the end of the year at work, the pressure has been turned up a notch since this is review time. Everyone is scrambling to finish projects and make a good impression. I have been assigned to two new projects this week also, one for testing software and another to teach a class, all this on top of my regular work and completing my yearly performance review which is basically like a 10 page essay about what I have done for the year and the impact it has made. This is always a bit stressful, I will be very happy when it is all submitted and over with next week. My mom’s pending surgery had me missing a few hours here and there at work which has added to the tight timeline.
Now that I have set the context of my life… on to discussing MKMMA.
The readings: This week I was less than faithful to the readings. I missed a few nightly reads which I have been very consistent about so far. I really like the law of compensation even though it can be a bit confusing with some of the old style wording. I think I have a pretty good grasp on it though. I also did not listen to the Master Key chapter daily like I had in the past weeks.
The sit: I only managed two sits this week. I was able to imagine having a conversation with my children and seeing their eyes light up. My imagination is getting stronger, I can feel it. I will make more time for this exercise as I can see some real benefit in real life. Already I notice that when I am trying to picture something in my mind it is much more clear. When I am trying to visualize what something would look like after it is finished or moved the image is clearer than it ever has been before. I am impressed with how good my own imagination is getting and in such a short time frame.
DMP: I still do not have a functional, approved DMP. I was not able to work on it much this week. I will try more next week.
Move Poster: Still have not completed this, I have my poster with a few images but have not associated the symbols with it.
The symbols: I have not got these in place yet.
The recording: Haven’t even had time to consider it and until I get a functional DMP I am not sure how to proceed.
Overall I am proud of myself for hanging in there and the fact that I keep returning to the readings. Even though I am missing the mark of excellence ,that I so love to reach for, I am still getting a lot out of this program and I know that if I keep pushing forward some of these roadblocks that circumstances and my old blue print are manifesting in my life, like the three year old who just spilled his drink on me while I was typing this…will clear up and make way for change.