This has been an interesting week. So I have to admit I have been slacking on my sits, my reading has suffered a bit and I am trying to find time to print out and get started on my movie poster.
The Sit – When I do the sitting after I have missed a day the weird pain returns that used to accompany my first few sits. I think it may be restless energy. I think I need exercise to get that energy out but I get so busy that I fail to plan time for exercise. When I meditate for more than 2-3 days without skipping I notice that the pain is not there and I am able to focus without the need to get up or stretch. Who would have thought it is so difficult to just sit, I thought I wanted time to “just do nothing”, turns out when I take it I feel like I just want to get up and do something. The few times this week I was able to do the sit I used a picture of my two little boys sitting out in the grass at a park. I love my kids so keeping this image and the memory of taking it in my mind is a little easier as I love the image. So I sit and I think of this image and I have to admit Hannel is right, I cannot focus, even on something I love so much, for just ten mintes. As Mark mentons in his post I cannot even do it for more than 6 seconds. I can see the image clearly and I can recreate it in my mind. I see their expressions, their hair, their clothing, the way their hands and body are positioned and even the background scenery. Unfortunately I can only hold the crystal clear image for maybe 4-6 seconds and then it disappears. I can bring it back with intense concentration but again it fades to black. The moment the image disappears my mind seems to be tempted to wander. It is hard to believe and something I have never given much thought about. How long can I focus on something? I mean I would think that if I really really really really wanted or loved something that I could give it my attention and focus on it. And the picture I chose was of my babies. These are the miracles my husband and I have created, I have bent my whole life around their needs and yet I cannot hold the image for more than a few seconds… This is interesting because I always thought I had control of my mind and these tests are making me realize how little control I actually have but that I do indeed have some control… can this power be harnessed? An interesting journey within indeed.
Daily Reading – As for my daily ready I have been fairly consistent. I am loving the new reading and I can see that my kids like the new reading also. I have my kids say ” I will greet this day with love in my heart” as we listen to it on the way to school and daycare in the morning. I have been working to feel more love in my heart, especially when I am rushed for time. I notice that sometimes I could be kinder when I ask my kids to do things. I have been working to change that.
Shapes – I have started seeing the shapes everywhere. Someone on the call last week mentioned seeing the tops of trees as green triangles and I had been seeing that as well. I am seeing them in road signs, in the trees, in building shapes and sidewalk lines. Even when I see the shape separated from its color my mind makes the connection. This is powerful stuff. I am working on matching up the shapes and colors with my DMP goals and I can see how this is going to get very powerful very quickly.
No Opinions – No opinions week last week was not an easy task. It definitely made me notice that I have a lot of opinions and so do other people. One of the hardest parts of this are the old habitual pattern loops that we have set up for ourselves when it comes to other people. We have many people in our lives where we use opinion and even judgment of others as a sort of social glue to make or keep friendships. When you start to break those patterns it feels awkward. You are left wondering what to talk to people about and how to make small talk with co-workers. Turning the conversation around is pretty effective, they are generally happy to talk about what is on their mind, but they also are used to hearing your opinion on things. When you do not offer one it can lead to some awkward pauses in conversation as you try to think of something to keep it going with their events. A few lines I learned: “by the way I have been thinking about what you said the other day, how did it turn out with…” or I am curious, what do you think about ….”. These little redirectors helped. I found though that when I did not give my oppinon I felt left out, and would end up having the conversation with myself, and the assignment said no opinions, even in your head.. that is tough. It almost feels like trimming a tree and I imagine that even though cutting a branch is for the overall management of the growth of the tree it still hurts the tree a little to cut the branch. This was a useful exercise, even though I did not do extremely well with it, it made me much more aware of where I give opinions. If our thoughts are energy then words are energy as well and therefore when I am talking and thinking I am providing the energy that will create the things and situations in my life. I am therefore creating my own world from these opinions I have been giving without a second thought. When you think about it opinions are rarely our own, we usually get them from other people. Parents, friends, community, media, books, even the objects are all forces that influence and help create opinions. If I inherited these opinions do I really want to use them and are they helpful or harmful to what I am trying to accomplish? Would I choose to feel this way if I looked at it objectively? These are good things to think about.
Home Life – My kids got sick again this week, strep throat this time which required a visit to the doctor and 10 days of medication. My older son got sick on Wednesday and missed a few days of school. He is feeling better now but still has a sore throat. My youngest had a fever last night still but he seems to be back up and running around today and feels cool to the touch. As for me I have not been getting as much sleep as I would like but my tooth is feeling a little better after the root canal earlier in the week. Last week I had two teeth prepared for crowns and one of them got drilled too close to the nerve and I was in pretty bad pain for a few days. It is feeling much better now though and other than the pain from the root canal it should be healed up in a few days.
Abundant Harvest – We signed up to buy a weekly farm-to table box of food. When I went to pick up my weekly delivery of food this week they had extra broccoli and gave us a big bag of it. When I came home and unpacked the food I truly felt rich. We had a large harvest of fresh organic produce all over our counter top: lettuce, potatoes, tomatoes, squash, basil, pears, apples and much more. With the extra broccoli we had so much that we ended up giving both our neighbors on both sides some and still had so much left over that we had to freeze some. Talk about overflowing abundance. We signed up with this service after joining MKMMA and one of the things we both noticed on our DMP was the desire for fresh organic food. While true health is not listed for either of our ppn’s it might as well be as both of us feel strongly that we want to eat healthy and raise our kids to eat healthy.
Business – I have been doing a lot of soul searching about my business ideas and what I want to do outside of a job to create money. My husband and I have been chasing network marketing for several years, off and on, separately and as a couple, probably more than 20 years. Considering we are still in our 30’s this is most of our lives. While we both still want to do something there seems to be setbacks or something outside of our control in every situation. Mostly thought it seems that it is a combination of not knowing how and not know exactly what to do. Mark’s go90grow is amazing and has given me more success than I have ever seen, but still it is a difficult business and it seems that it takes super human will power to both get it up and going train someone else to do the same. While I will likely do network marketing as part of my income at some point, for now I have another idea that I really want to peruse. I have always wanted to write children’s stories and just stories in general. I have always gotten ideas about stories but never took the time to do anything with them. While I have little experience I already know that I am good at it. Words from the daily readings seem to keep repeating to me about hiding my similarities and displaying my differences. I started writing down my ideas over the past few weeks and it is like trying to take a drink from a water hose. The ideas are abundant and over flowing. I started to really focus in and get specific with one of my ideas and as I focused it came into focus more and more. I now have a whole plan and have been putting little pieces of it into action. I can actually see something taking shape and it is very exciting.